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I personally feel most people should not seriously date until they have graduated or left high school at the very least.It's not that I think that people who have graduated high school are inherently more mature or some switch gets flipped...but her parents and teachers and all may not feel that way.OP could keep his hands off until she's done opening all the B-day presents when she turns 18 but people are going to make assumptions.But it may just mean that his mum is thoughtful and responsible rather than interfering. Unfortunately, it probably won't be the last time she encounters someone like that in a partner's family, so probably good practice for the future! In retrospect, that's probably a bit weird and I wouldn't be comfortable if my dd had a 21 year old bf at that age.
I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with the age gap here though. Personally, it wouldn't work for me, but your mileage will vary. But the issue with the age rule is that it doesn't take into account the maturity difference between an 18 year old and a 21 year old.Tell her to ignore his judgey mum and just get on with being happy for now. Does your sister know specifically what is bothering his mum?Is he, for example, a university graduate and she doesn't like that he is dating a schoolgirl? The gap is only really noticeable at this age because the 21yr old may want to go to a pub that the 17yr ole either won’t get into or won’t be able to drink in.On the other hand, my dh is 6.5 years younger than me, so when I was 21, he would have been just turning 15. But anyway, in your sister's situation, no don't think it's strange, but is a bit odd that his mum is so freaked out. But I think she just has to ignore it and give her time to come around. To think most parents don't know that rearfacing DCs is safer?